Jerry SpringerDBZ style!
by AkidoChick19
Summary: I totally suck at summaries,but Goku and Raditz have a problem, and who else to solve it but...JERRY SPRINGER!
1. Episode One: An Intervention

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Dragon Ball Z, its characters, or its contents. I am just a girl...or so I've been led to believe. This fanfic involves pimp-slapping, alcohol and drug usage, and subtle references to prostitution. This is my 1st fanfic, so be nice!!!**_

_It all starts on stage in Hollywood, California, on the Jerry Springer Show one fateful day... _

_FADE OUT---CREDITS_

HOST: Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show! Today, our topic is "I Know Who you Did Last Summer." Our first guest, Goku, thinks his older brother Raditz is a two-bit, sleazy prostitue. Now Goku, can you tell us why you're here?

**_He then turns to Goku, who is lying on the floor fast asleep, lying in a fetal position on the floor, covered in spit. _**

HOST: Uhh...Goku?

GOKU: SNOOORRE

HOST: Goku?

GOKU (yet again): SNOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRE

HOST: WAKE UP, RETARD!!!

GOKU (waking up suddenly then wiping a puddle of drool from his mouth): Heh-huh-wha?

HOST (now calming down) : Now, can you tell us why you think your brother is a whore?

**_Goku then nods like an idiot and sits down in his chair._**

GOKU: Yeah, Larry.

HOST: My name is Jerry.

GOKU (who doesn't give a damn): Whatever, Kenny. Anyway, look at him. He's got hair long enough to touch his ass, he wears a short skirt all damn day, and how many straight men you know are named Raditz?

HOST ( now looking around suspiciously): Uhh...none I guess.

GOKU: Exactly, Jimmy! That's why I think my brother's a ho!

AUDIENCE (throwing trash): BOOOOOOO!

GOKU (screaming at the audience): YO MAMA!

HOST: OOOkayyy... that's freaky. Now let's meet his long-haired,short-skirt wearing, gay-named, prostituting brother, Raditz!

**_Raditz comes from backstage and sits next to Goku._**

GOKU (pointing at Raditz): See, Ricki? I told you he was a prostitute!

HOST (slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand in annoyance): My name is Jerry!

RADITZ (completely oblivious to the whole situation): Prostitute? You told me we were going to Taco Bell! YOU MUST DIE!!!

_**Raditz then takes an empty beer bottle out of nowhere, breaks it, then points it at Goku's neck.**_

HOST: Will Raditz be revealed as the ho he really is? Will Goku get cut? Will we ever make it to Taco Bell? Find out in the next episode of Jerry Springer!!

** _How was it? Remember, leave nice reviews! Chap 2 up!_**


	2. Episode Two: An Introduction

**_HIYAH! It's me, AkidoChick! Anyway, sorry about the temporary hiatus, but I promise, this chapter will be worth it._**

**DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT own DBZ, The Boondocks, KFC, Taco Bell, or Burger King (although I would like to.) If you read something you don't like, tough cookies. DON'T SUE ME AND ENJOY!!!**

_**Fade out---CREDITS**_

**_(Stupid-ass commercials end)_**

**Host: Welcome back to the Jerry Springer show! Before our break, we met Goku, whose older brother, Raditz, is a uhhmm...ho.**

**Goku**: **Damn right!**

**Host (turning to Goku**): **What are you gonna do? I mean, for Pete's sake, he's your brother.**

**Goku (picking his nose):** **Well, Johnny, I wanna help my brother stop sellin' his ass. I'm gonna stage an intervention!**

**Host(once again slapping his forehead):** **Okay, fine...bring 'em out.**

**_Bulma, Chichi, Trunks, Krillin, and the entire Z-force come out on the stage and crowd around Raditz, who is stll pissed because he didn't get to go to Taco Bell._**

**Chichi( in her usual shrill voice): It's okay, Raditz... the first step to having a problem is admitting you have a problem.**

**Raditz(now looking at Chichi like she's stupid): ARE YOU GUYS RETARDED?! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!**

**Bulma(screaming at Raditz): Yes, you do, Raditz! You turn tricks out of bus stations for cheeseburgers and half-eaten Twinkies!**

**Goku(drooling at the mouth): ...Mmmmm...Twinkies.**

**Raditz: Listen, I'm telling you, I AM NOT A PROSTITUTE!**

**Trunks(under his breath): Yeah, right, homo.**

**Audience(chanting): BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN! BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN!**

**Chichi: It's okay. Your secret is safe with us, I mean, we're the ones that helped Yamcha out with his addiction to mayonnaise and blow-up dolls.**

**_Krillin turns and points to Yamcha, who is humping a pole while listening to Christina Aguilera._**

**Host(completely disgusted): Now that's just plain wrong.**

**Tien(nodding in agreement): Yep, and if it wasn't for these guys, I'd still be smoking crack and pumping steiroids in Detroit.**

**_Krillen nods, and Tien starts crying on Cell's shoulder._**

**Raditz( now losing his damn mind): WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?! I AM NOT A PROSTITUTE!**

**Vegeta(pimp-slapping Raditz): Shut up, ho! Now get on that corner an' make my money!**

**_Everyone stops and glares at Vegeta, who is now holding Raditz in a choke-hold. Vegeta then drops the whore and smiles bashfully._**

**Vegeta (giggling nervously): Uh..heh-heh... too much BET.**

**Bulma(slapping her forehead hard enough to hurt): Aww damn, he's been watching _Don't Be a Menace To South Central While Drinkin' Yo Juice In Da Hood_ again.**

**Vegeta: Damn right! I'M STRAIGHT UP GANGSTA, BITCH!**

**_Vegeta then tries to do the C-Walk, but then falls and damn near breaks his neck._**

**Goku(wearing a dark blue bandana around his head, pouring a 40 on the stage): 'Dis fo' all my dead homies on the East side of Namek...**

**Trunks:Where the hell did you get that?**

**Goku(shrugging casually): I dunno. The nutjob that wrote this just gave it to me.**

**Trunks( glancing out at the author):...Ohhhhh...**

**Chichi: So anyway, Raditz, we want to help you stop hookin'.**

**Raditz(for the bazillionth time): HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? I...AM...NOT...A...WHO---**

**_At that moment, an explosion could be heard, and a man in a purple suit and a perm walks in, and everyone is silent. Everybody is silent for a few seconds until the cloud of smoke subsides, and he steps onto the stage._**

**The guy(in a somewhat squeaky tone): Um... excuse me, but I have misplaced some merchandise at this here residence.**

**_His eyes then shoot under a nearby chair, where Raditz is cowering in fear while singing the Barney theme song._**

**Host(rising from his seat): And who the hell are you?**

**The guy(clearing his throat): My name is ...A Pimp Named Slickback!**

**_For some dumb reason, everyone in the room gasps in horror._**

**Everybody(altogether): SLICKBACK?**

**A.P.N.S.(angrily): No! A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK!**

**Host(now just as confused as anybody else at this point): All right, and why are _you_ here, Slickback?**

**A.P.N.S(even more angrier this time): BITCHES, ARE YOU DEAF?! MY NAME IS "A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK"! YOU GOT TO SAY THE WHOLE THING, LIKE A TRIBE CALLED QUEST!**

**Host(rolling his eyes): Okay, A Pimp Named Slickback...why are you here?**

**A.P.N.S.: Well, I came here fo' my ho.**

**Bulma: And that would be...**

**_Slickback points under the chair at Raditz, who is now biting his bottom lip and crying like a bitch._**

**A.P.N.S: Him!**

**Android 18(eyes wide in shock): So you guys mean...**

**Everybody else(in unison): YES, HE'S A HO!**

**_Goku then randomly jumps up from his seat and starts doing The Tootsie Roll._**

**Goku(singing): I knew it! I knew it! My brother's a whore! My brother's a whore! **

**Raditz(still crying like a bitch): I'm sorry! sob I didn't mean for you to find out like this! sob **

**Krillen: Well, it wasn't all that hard to figure out. I mean you _are_ the only guy I know who walks around in a damn skirt all day.**

**Yamcha(eating a box of industrial-sized Twinkies): Yeah. Half the time, I'm afraid to bend over in front of you. **

**A.P.N.S(glancing at his watch): Well, I hate to break up this family reunion, but me and my ho has got to go.**

**_A Pimp Named Slickback then grabs Raditz by his collar and drags him towards the exit._**

**Raditz(clawing a hole in the floor with his fingernails while screaming like a girl): NO,DADDY! DON'T MAKE ME GO! I DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK NO MORE! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Host(turning back to camera): Well, that was freaky. That seems to be all our time today. Tune in next week for an episode entitled _I Know You Slept With my Wife, Dad but Gimme Back the Damn tractor!_**

**So, whaddya think? Leave nice reviews...or else I'LL CRY!!!**


	3. Episode Three: A Ho and A Housewife

_**DISCLAIMER: I said it once...well,twice, so I'm gonna say it again. I DO NOT own DBZ, or anything else for that matter. Trust me when I write this...I AM POOR...EXTREMELY POOR. According to the legendary Ashley J. Williams, I only have two things to my name: Jack and shit. And Jack just left town. ENJOY THE FANFIC!**_

**_P.S: Do not get angry at me for the following parody. I saw it in my head one night and just put it on paper. _**

_**Fade out--then credits...**_

**HOST: Welcome back to another episode of Jerry Springer! Our topic today is "Star Whores." I'm sitting here with our first guest, Bulma Briefs. Can you tell me why you're here, Bulma?**

**Bulma(crying loudly): It's my son, Jerry! (sob) He wants to be a rapper!(sob)**

**Host(now twice as confused as the last fic I wrote): Okay, _why_ does your son want to be a rapper?**

**Bulma(still crying): I don't know! (sob) He said something about being the next Lil' Kim!(sob)**

**Host(looking around suspiciously): Ooookayyyy...Let's meet Bulma's son, Trunks!**

**_Trunks then comes out on the stage wearing a lime-green tube top, a hot-pink miniskirt, fishnet stockings, stilletto-heeled shoes and a long blonde wig, carrying a microphone in his hands. _**

**Trunks('rapping'): I'M THE ILLEST, FOR REALLEST! I AIN'T NO MIDGET, AN' I PUT HO'S DOWN LIKE EGGS IN A SKILLET!**

**Audience(throwing trash): BOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**_Trunks smiles crookedly as he sits down next to his mother, who is embarassed to even being seen with him. _**

**Host(now scratching the top of his head):Okay, _what_ the hell are you?**

**Trunks(in an unbelievably gay voice): Well, Jerry, I'm Grandmaster T!**

**Host: Now, why do you wanna be a rapper?**

**Grandmaster T(crossing his legs): 'CAUSE I'M SEXY!**

**Random audience guy: WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT LIE?!**

**Grandmaster T (taking off his earrings then raising from his seat): YO MAMA DID LAST NIGHT, TRICK!**

**Random audience guy: Oh yeah? Bring it on, you fake-ass Mariah Carey!**

**_Trunks then gets up and fires a Spirit Bomb into the audience, killing the random guy. After a huge explosion and a few seconds' worth of painful screams, the audience turns back around, as if nothing happened._**

**Grandmaster T(now folding his arms across his chest): I ain't no Mariah Carey! I'M FROM THE STREETS, BITCH!**

**Bulma(slapping her forehead hard enough to hurt): That's a damn shame.**

**Host: Now let's see what your father has to say about this young man...er...lady. Let's bring out, Vegeta!**

**_Vegeta then comes from backstage and sits down, never taking his eyes off what used to be his son._**

**Vegeta(absoloutely horrified): Who...who the hell are you?**

**Grandmaster T (in an even gayer voice): IT'S ME, DADDY!**

**_Vegeta is silent for a few seconds, then he delivers a blood-curdling scream and runs out of the studio, for what reason is even unknown to the author._**

**Bulma(looking around): Well, that was awkward.**

**Host: Don't feel bad. At least we know where he got it from.**

**Bulma(starting to cry again): Trunks, why do you do this to us?**

**_Trunks then sucks the bottom of his teeth and begins to play with one of his long blonde braids in a very gay fashion._**

**Grandmaster T: I'm tellin' ya, moms. I ams who I says I ams. I even got a boob job!**

**Everyone(in unison): A BOOB JOB?**

**_Trunks nods proudly and pulls up his tube top to reveal two water ballons taped to his chest. They are different colors, and one appears to be bigger than the other._**

**Host(pointing to the homemade "breast implants"): How much did those cost, exactly?**

**Grandmaster T (casually): Well, including the scotch tape...about $200,000.**

**Bulma (now mad as hell): WHAT?! YOU SPENT 200 GRAND FOR SOME DAMN WATER BALLONS?!?**

**Grand master T(proudly): Damn skippy!**

**Bulma(fuming): I'M GONNA KILL YOU!**

**_Bulma reaches over to her "son", grabs him by the throat and begins to strangle him...er...her._**

**Host(turning to the camera): Ahh...feel the love. That concludes another wholesome episode of Jerry Springer. Tune in next week for a show entitled "_It Was Dark, I Was Drunk, and I Had no Idea it was Grandpa_."**


End file.
